The 20's

Hey Guys,

 It's me again, with another blog no less.

 Y'all know i mostly write shit down during special occasions. You know, like New Year's & Birthdays & shit. 

And yes, sticking to pattern, it's my birthday tomorrow and I've been sitting on this blog and I thought, well why the fuck not?

I'm turning 20 tomorrow (in a couple of minutes actually), and life just fucking sucks. 

It does.

It really does. 

I wish i was writing this blogpost for different reasons, but honestly i'm just here to let it out.

 i'm here to let it alllll out. 

These past 8 months being home has been hard for everyone, but mehn i can't really pretend to care about the collective traumatised youths of Nigeria.

All i care about is me.

I'm such a mess. 

I've been an emotional mess. (I love to pride myself on having a tight hold on my feelings, and my on and off depression, but let me tell you, this strike has been a motherfucker :(

I cry all the fucking time.

If you know me, you know i don't leak. 

I hate tears.( Yes, i am one of those people who thinks crying is for the weak & lighthearted, but don't worry, that's attitude applies only to me)

So like is said, I cry all the fucking time. 

I get triggered so easily, it's a fucking nightmare, honestly. Didn't realise I had it in me. I mean most of the time i'm out here trying to not kill the nigga trying so hard to kill me. 

Disclaimer: THAT NIGGA IS ME!!! 

I'm such a miserable motherfucker. 

With good friends and family no less, but still. 

 Another Disclaimer: I am going to be as dark and as real as i'll ever be in this blog. If you are uncomfortable with casual talk of depression, suicide, self-hate and etc, i believe this is where i'm obligated to tell you to get the fuck out. Go read my other blogs. Bye now. Okay. 

Let's continue 

So I know you're getting my point now. I'm turning 20. I don't have my shit together. My life sucks, blah, blah, blah, my life is fricking Unfabulous. 

Ha.

You get it?

Anyways I'm going to try & keep record of how much life sucks with this blog from here on out ( I've made promises like this in the past, so you already know that I will only write when I feel properly antagonised, or whenever Jesus decides to speak to me...), and if it stops sucking I will be the first to let you know.

Can't promise though. 

I'm my best when I'm all broken.

7 minutes to go....

Gosh I'm doing this thing where I ramble, and I drift, and I pray that I'm still making sense. I feel like I've lost my touch with actual conversational blogging.

Does it feel like we're having a conversation?

If yes let me know, if not let me know.

In the comment section maybe?

Thank you.

Much love. 

5 minutes to go....

I'm actually dreading it. Not just because the 20's come with extremely high expectations. Like you're supposed to have your life figured out between now and the time you'll turn 30. 

Who made that rule anyway??

I don't even know what I'm going to do tomorrow 😭😭😭😭

God abeg

I'm having a panic attack.....

3 minutes to go....

I'm going to try to make it so my struggle is amusing to you. (I know, I know, I'm too kind, I'm so interesting, i do my best ;) 

I don't know how I got to counting down the minutes....

It's 1 to go...

Fuck I hope the 20's don't suck.

I really do.

I won't apologise for rambling because you chose to read this.

And because you're such a beautiful fan, I promise to do better.

(Don't trust me)

Oh

Its my birthday 

Happy 20th Fri ( yes this is what I'm calling myself now, get with the program)

Wish me a happy birthday when you read this.

I need it.

Talk to you guys later.

              Much not love, but not hate either ( I don't know if I even know you wtf),

                                         ~ Fri

( I apologise for my unhinged use of curse words but the 20's are all about honestly and I swear like a fucking pirate)

Okay bye!